The dating games: small tips for great results
For many men, the dating game is viewed as swimming in shark-infested waters, it just doesn’t seem safe. If you don’t take rejection well, (and who does?) the challenge of meeting women and getting to know them is a risky business.
Attention to body language
In the initial phases, when your confidence is not as high as you would like, you will need to pay special attention to body language. Not the obvious signs that most people think and talk about, but the subtle clues that will give you the edge. It is quite amazing the number of people who think that they know and understand body language but in reality do not have a clue. You do not want to be one of them.
For starters, get yourself a good body language book. The books by Allan Pease are light and easy to read with a lot of humor added which makes the details easier to remember. Allan has a quirky sense of humor, and he really knows his stuff.
Everyone knows that crossed arms are a defensive position and that if a woman crosses her arms at you, you are not doing well. Well duh! What she is really saying by crossing her arms is: “I have been sending you “go away” signals for ages but you just don’t seem to get it”. Long before the arms ever crossed, you should have known where you stood with this woman.
She chose me, right?
If you are amongst several people and a woman of interest is in the group you can easily tell if you are getting her attention in a positive way. It means that you will be able to tell that you have her attention even before she realizes that she is interested in you. If you look at her eyes or her facial gestures, you are likely to be misled because women are naturally good at disguising their facial and upper body gestures. What they are not so good at controlling is their lower body gestures. And no, it is not her groin that we will be focusing on. It is her feet and knees.
In particular, the feet and knees of a woman will tend to point towards the person in a group she is conversing with, that she finds the most interesting. So if she is looking and talking to you with lots of eye contact, but her feet or knees are pointing towards someone else then you are not the focus of her attention no matter what her face and conversation might be saying. Conversely though, if one of her feet or her knees is consistently pointing towards you throughout the conversation then it is you she wants to find out more about.
Once you have her alone, then you can look out for preening and pouting gestures that will show that she is thinking of you sexually.
That means you can invite her to your first date!
Stupid things you can do on the first date
So she agreed to go on a date with you. But you don’t want her to run away from you in 15 minutes, right? What should you not do on your first date?
– Talking about your ex for more than 15 seconds. If asked, just say something like “Oh, we just wanted different things from life.” That’s it! Save the gory details for much later.
– Not complimenting your date on something. People just want to feel good about themselves! A simple compliment will make your date feel so good. Just make sure it’s from the heart! Oh, and don’t comment on any body parts.
– When she goes to the restroom, you get on your phone to check email, text, etc. and let her see you’re doing this when she comes back. Nothing tells that you’d rather be somewhere else like checking your email in their presence!
– Taking calls or text in front of your girl. Put the phone on vibrate and put it away. No… don’t leave it on the table. You want your girl to feel she is important to you! Again, it’s all about manners.
– As a man not taking charge. Opening doors. Finding the table, making sure your girl is getting what she wants, making sure she is comfortable, etc… What happened to all the gentlemen out there? Most men seem to lack some of these skills. Stand out!
– Talking about anything negative! The first date is supposed to be fun and flirty. Don’t bring it down with your “stuff”. Keep it light! If she starts talking about their occasional bouts with acid reflux, just change the subject.
– Going in for the kiss when they are not ready or don’t want it. Men, this is obviously directed to you. Its dozens of stories from women who can’t believe the man would even try! Guys, If you are so clueless that you don’t know the difference between a woman who wants you to kiss her and one who doesn’t, you are not so good! There are so many no verbal clues that we give out to one another. Just pay attention to some of them. You know, like when you walk her to her car, and she has her arms folded, or she just gets in the car right away, or she tells you that she “doesn’t need for you to walk her to her car.” These are but a few signs that she’s probably not into you. Pay attention! Speaking of kissing even if she wants you to kiss her, don’t go crazy here. Leave her wanting more.
Ok, so you’ve done maybe one or two of these. No problem. Just learn from your mistakes and remember….you want to be the kind of person that you would want to date!
This article is written by licensed urologist Dr. Lorie G Fleck who is a highly qualified specialist. If you have any questions you can ask us through the feedback form and Dr. Lorie G Fleck will answer you within a working day. We care about every patient.